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random short #1

i was at a funeral one time. i was at a funeral many times, but this is just the one i wanna talk about. New Orleans style jazz funeral. paraded down the streets. played the saxophone. paraded through bars, we got a shot in every one. this was part of the guy’s will i guess. he wanted a New Orleans style jazz funeral in marin. guy had a kid with Mama Cass actually but we’re not supposed to talk about that.

anyway the important thing is that his funeral was kinda fun! i guess it was actually his wake that was fun. people told stories, people played songs. that’s the kind of funeral i want. if somebody has to talk about the overdose just make sure it’s done tastefully.

the reason i say that his wake was the fun part is because the funeral got weird. sure, there was the body and all that shit to deal with and that’s heavy and clumsy to carry around and whatever but you have like one job and that’s not dropping it on the ground until you’re supposed to drop it on the thing that will later put it under the ground right?

and then suppose you don’t do that job well? right. body everywhere.

anyway. sometimes you just suck at your job. volunteers especially.

i was a volunteer.

What Level is Beatrix Kiddo?

So my husband has chicken pox(?!), and he’s cooped up inside all day for the next n days, and yesterday we watched Kill Bill Part 1 and Django Unchained. When I got up this morning, he was watching Kill Bill Part 2. He is, shall we say, a Tarantino fan.

During the Crazy 88 fight in Part 1, I was like, if I wanted to make her character sheet, what on earth would I put on it?

I’m going to go with a human Fighter since she is very tough and obviously has a lot of combat feats. For instance, Great Cleave would allow her to kill all those dudes in one round, as she does repeatedly. Weapon Focus: Katana seems likely too. She needs Power Attack and Cleave before she can get to Great Cleave, so she’s at least level… wow, a human Fighter can get there by level two. Let’s add in Weapon Specialization: Katana, so now we’re at level 4, with an unused feat. Now, I know this will weaken the overall build, but I’m going to throw in a one-level dip in Monk for plot reasons. Stunning Fist is a fairly obvious feat she needs to have at the end of Part 2, and she can’t get it as a Fighter until level 8.

So, now we’re at human Fighter 4/Monk 1 and we have an unused feat still. I’m also house-ruling that multiclassing doesn’t have an XP penalty, because duh. What else. Let’s add Improved Critical to unarmed strike, so now we need to be Fighter 8/Monk 1. That’s level 8’s bonus feat, which leaves us with the unused level feat, another unused level feat, and an unused bonus feat. We should be able to round out the character now. Perhaps Combat Reflexes (bonus feat), Diehard (level feat), and Endurance (level feat, prerequisite for Diehard).

And there you go. As for Part 2, I did my best. I have no idea how to recreate the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique except for more monk levels. But this build feels right.